Wednesday, September 17, 2008

One More Reason to Bomb Canada...

They are just there...Canadians to the North. Do they really do anything I mean other than run to our country for decent healthcare and let us shoot movies up there and supply us with tasty bacon? Once upon a time when my tastes were questionable, I watched South Park and there was a whole song about the horrors of our friend to the north called "Blame Canada." Now, there is a reason.
A journalist, and I use that word loosely, has written a scathing diatribe aimed at Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. Heather Mallick, who looks like the kind of woman who smells like earwax and wears pantyhose in the summer with sandals, has decided to stick her upturned nose where it doesn't matters of democracy. Here is what the frigid prune has written about Palin, her supporters and America in general:

In the CBC story, Mallick wrote that John McCain’s running mate “added nothing to the ticket that the Republicans didn’t already have sewn up, the white trash vote.”
She proceeded to write that the Alaska governor “has a toned-down version of the porn actress look favored by this decade’s woman, the overtreated hair, puffy lips and permanently alarmed expression.”

Mallick also blasted Alaska as Canada’s ugly stepchild.
“We love our own north to the point of covering our eyes and humming as it melts … but Alaska is different from our north,” she wrote. “We share a 1,500-mile border with a frontier state full of drunks and crazy people, of the blight that cheap-built structures bring to a glorious landscape.
“Alaska is our redneck cousin, our Yukon territory forms a blessed buffer zone, and thank God he never visits. Alaska is the end of the line.”

Does this bother anyone but me? First of all, she doesn't like Sarah Palin because she's pretty? I don't think she looks like a porn star...I don't know that many porn stars, but nowhere near Sarah Palin have I ever seen a horny copier technician or a spicy pizza man ready to deliver if you know what I mean and I think that you do...
Secondly, white trash? White trash? Really? I'm no expert, but I've never seen Sarah Palin wearing a halter top over a bra; I've never seen her stuff a half-eaten fish sandwich in her purse in hopes of getting lucky at a kegger in a cornfield; I've never read any documentation concerning Palin being hauled into court because stolen vehicles were found in her front yard after the city maintenance crew had to come and mow it for her because she refused to do so. So attaching this well-educated, well-spoken and (God forbid) attractive woman to those of us who truly understand and revere white-trash culture is in many ways just an example of how far north Canada is and how out of touch with redneck livin' they have become.
Third, is anyone else sick of Sarah Palin being attacked simply because of her vagina? No one went after Bill Clinton because of his penis and thanks to Monica Lewinski and her blue dress, we all know he has one. Troopergate, porn star, puffy lips...when will it end? Are we not a more advanced society than this? I mean we are a society that does amazing things, wonderful things like open heart surgery, Habitat for Humanity and philly cheese steak Hot Pockets. Is it so far out of our grasp to show a little decorum, a little grace, a little intelligence?
And finally, like any good journalist, I'm going to introduce some facts into this story to support my point of view:
Imagine working for a company that has a little more than 300 employees and has the following statistics:
30 have been accused of spousal abuse
9 have been arrested for fraud
14 have been accused of writing bad cheques
95 have directly or indirectly bankrupted businesses
4 have done time for assault
55 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
12 have been arrested on drug related charges
4 have been arrested for shoplifting
16 are currently defendants in lawsuits
62 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year-
Can you guess which organization this is?-It is the 301 MP's in the Canadian Parliament. The same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws designed to keep Canadians safe and progressive.

Pretty interesting, eh? Sarah Palin, compared to the cream of the crop of Canadian politics, well to borrow a term from our friends to the north...she's a beaut, eh?

1 comment:

FarmGirl said...

Tell me how ya really feel!! You'd think you had something to say!! haha

Just now getting to read this, sorry for the delay. And I just wanted to know...I thought if you lived in town, the city was supposed to mow your yard? Is that not true?