I'd like to...but
I thought about it...but
I kept track of how many times I used that word today. I used it to begin a rationalization of why I deserved a cinnamon melt for breakfast even though I'm diabetic. I used it to talk myself out of that same cinnamon melt. I used it to get out of a couple of obligations, to get into a couple of bonuses that I shouldn't have gotten and I used it to manipulate my husband.
Such a tiny little word with such huge ramifications. How much of my life have I lost to "buts" with no one to blame but myself?
Such a tiny little word with such a huge amount of loss attached to it. How many opportunities have I lost to my own stupid hesitations?
I talked to a woman today who found out she has breast cancer and our conversation turned to her choice of treatment and what she would ultimately decide. I couldn't help but notice the glaring absence of "but" from our conversation. There was nothing to shirk, nothing to escape, no rationalities to be made. There was concrete and there was certainty and there was no fear. Sure, there was hesitation and there was caution, but there was no fear. Not because she wasn't afraid. I'm sure she was. But there's a big difference between being afraid and living in fear. Being afraid is temporary. Living in fear is terminal. Being afraid is a reaction. Living in fear is a lifestyle.
Yes, my friend has a long road ahead of her BUT she is ready to take that journey. Yes, my friend is afraid BUT she is not living in fear. Yes, this was not in the plan BUT she is adamant about looking for the blessing. And normally I would cry for her and with her BUT this time there is no reason to cry. She has made her absolute decision and asked for her absolute grace from God. Plain and simple... no excuses... no reprieves... NO BUTS!